And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in Him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of His glory.
Ephesians 1:13-14

Monday, May 11, 2009

My White Picket Fence

I would like to start out by letting the whole world know that LANCE GRADUATED! I am so excited about this partly because it has been a hard road for him to work and study and for me to manage everything around here, but also I am just so proud of him for persisting. I don't think he likes me to make a big deal about it because he somehow feels embarrassed that he was in school for a long time. I feel the opposite. I think it is such a show of his character and his willingness to follow God's will wherever He leads, and however challenging it might be.

Which basically leads me to the next part of this post. I guess one reason that I admire this trait in Lance is because I see the lack of it in myself. God is actually using Lance and another person in my life to show me that my commitment level to Him is not 100%.

I know that no one's life is perfect, and I have had many struggles too. But I also know that God has abundantly blessed my life. I have a wonderful husband, and I am not just saying that in a non-chalant way. We are in the unique situation because we were best friends in high school and fell in love shortly after that. Both of us don't have a burdened past, and we have only ever been in love with each other. God has also been so faithful to sustain us financially. He has given us more than we need in life, and lately even when money is tight, there was always enough. And then of course, we have Mackenzie and even though we did not expect her, she has blessed and richened our lives in countless ways. God even provided a way for me to stay home with her. It seems like a perfect life. And in some ways that is where my struggle comes a lot of ways it is a perfect life. The problem? I think I may care more about it than my relationship with God.

Is living life inside my white picket fence more important to me than total surrender to God? If God asked me to lay down my white picket fence life on Abraham's alter, would I be willing? I don't think so.

I know that God could choose to allow life's storms to tear down that fence at any time, and if it happened what would my devotion level be to Him? Would I stand upon the Rock or would I crumble with the fence?

Someone in my life recently has had their ideas and dreams dissappointed, and I see how they are trusing God to be their Protector. Sometimes I think I put more trust in my white picket fence life than in God.

I want to be willing to be used by God in whatever way He wants to use me. I don't want to be contained by my white picket fence any longer. I want to love like He loves; I want to move where He goes; and I want to sacrifice as He deserves. I want to tear down that fence!